Disclaimer: I made the whole thing up. And if you found it by googling your own name or that of someone you know personally? For god's sake, hit the damn back button. That's what it's there for.
Notes: Thanks to Dira Sudis for telling me I had to post it and to kalpurna and lordessrenegade for beta awesomeness and telling me I had to post it.
"Know what I really hate?"
"What?" Patrick didn't bother looking up from his laptop to answer Pete.
"When they call it a suicide attempt. It wasn't a fucking suicide attempt."
Patrick did look up at that, but all he said was, "Dude, you have got to stop googling yourself."
Pete rolled his eyes. "No, seriously, though. If they don't flat out say it was a suicide attempt, then they say something like, 'he claims it wasn't' or 'he doesn't call it that' or some other bullshit that makes me sound like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about or something. I mean, fuck, if I'd wanted to kill myself, I would have fucking killed myself, you know?" he added matter-of-factly.
Patrick wasn't quite sure what to say to that. Because, really, it was a couple years ago now and he and Pete hadn't really ever talked about it much. Pete definitely hadn't told Patrick what was going on in his head at the time, not outside of lyrics anyway. People often thought that what you saw was what you got when it came to Pete Wentz, that he would always tell you what was on his mind when it was on his mind. And, okay yeah, a lot of the time that was true. When it wasn't? It was usually about himself. Then, there were lyrics, some of which were a hell of a lot more transparent than others.
But the thing about the not-suicide attempt was, they hadn't really had to talk about it. It was a stupid-ass thing Pete did one time. Pete really didn't need Patrick to remind him of just how dumb it was; Pete knew that, and besides, there were plenty of people on that already. So Patrick just arbitrarily decided he preferred Circuit City to Best Buy and began paying even closer attention to the words Pete gave him, just in case. When it came down to it, not much really changed for PeteandPatrick.
"So, if..." Patrick started hesitantly. But that was as far as he got because he really didn't know what he was trying to ask, what he wanted to know.
Pete probably knew better than Patrick what he was trying to ask, just because he was Pete. "You ever just want to turn your brain off? Or, better yet, pull a Zack Morris and make the world do a time-out while you figure out some shit?" Patrick shrugged. He could kind of see that. "Like, when it just feels like the world and your life keep going and going, faster and faster, but you keep staying still or going even slower. And you just want to pause it all so you can fucking finally take a breath and stop thinking and just get some goddamn sleep and catch up on all the shit you've been letting slide because you just don't have time. But in real life, you can't stop thinking, you've got to keep going and going and going, while your head just gets more and more fucked up because you're trying to keep up with everything. And you get more and more stressed, which just leads to stress about how stressed you are because you know you shouldn't be stressed and it's all kinds of fucked up.
"And eventually you kind of get to a point where you go, 'Oh, well, these are for anxiety, right?' But it's still... It's not a fucking suicide attempt when your thought process involves shit like 'when I wake up' and 'I have to go finish that song with Patrick' and 'oh yeah, I think Mom said to pick up milk on the way home...'" Pete trailed off and shrugged. "Did that make any sense?"
Patrick thought for a moment and nodded slowly. "Huh. So... What you're trying to tell me is that you did all of that..." He paused to make sure Pete was paying attention, because this was an important question. "To take a fucking nap?"
Pete looked a little surprised, as if he'd never quite seen it that way. He seemed to consider it and then noticed the disbelieving smile Patrick couldn't quite hide and laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."
Patrick remembered that Pete's laugh was probably one of his favorite sounds ever. Still, "Fucking drama queen," he muttered as he kicked him under the table.
"It's why you love me," Pete agreed happily. Patrick rolled his eyes, but grinned. It was really just one of many reasons and they both knew it.
Back to Band RPF
Find your own way back home