Disclaimer: I made the whole thing up, except for the parts that I borrowed from the movie Hard Core Logo.

Notes: Mucho thanks to Clueless and her mad beta skills!

"I can't come to the phone right now. I'm eating corn chips and masturbating. Please leave a message." beeeeep

"Billy-boy! It's Ed. I need you to come by my office tomorrow. You got a contract to sign. And listen, I know you said you were gonna go to Canada and do that thing with Joe and Hard Core Logo, but if you sign this contract, you'll be expected in the studio next week. If you insist on going up to Canada, there's a good chance that they'll wait for Earl to get better. It's up to you, man. Lemme know. See ya."

Billy Tallent
c/o Festus Talent
1311 Howard Street
Vancouver, BC V6Z 2P3

September 17, 1991

Dear Mr. Tallent,

I was quite impressed by Hard Core Logo's performance last week in New York City. Everyone here at Sire Records is quite excited to have Hard Core Logo among our accomplished roster of artists. With the support of Sire, I know Hard Core Logo will be one of the most successful bands of its generation.

For your records, I have enclosed a copy of the contract you signed earlier today. I realize that you and your fellow bandmates are eager to begin recording a new album. I will be in touch as to when this might be possible. In the meantime, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me or my assistant, Kimberly Myers.

I look forward to working with you.


Seymour Stein

Seymour Stein
Sire Records

April 22, 1990

Joe knew going in that no one really believed it. Not any of the reporters or journalists or writers for all those music magazines actually believed it and they made that clear in their articles. John didn't believe it. Neither did Pipe, and he'd probably believe just about anything. Hell, Joe's own mother didn't believe it. And Billy… Well, Billy had almost - almost - managed to convince himself (and Joe) that he did believe it.

But he'd heard it all over the place: Joe Dick wouldn’t last two fucking days in rehab. And if he did? He wouldn't last two days out of rehab. He'd be right back where he started.

Joe thought about that as he got out of the cab and walked up the steps to the Sarah Moore Health and Wellness Center. And he tried really hard not to believe all of that shit.


October 22, 1990

Six months. Sure showed those fuckers, didn't he? Ha! Six whole fucking months with nothing stronger than caffeine and nicotine. And maybe he'd even give those up after six more months.


excerpts from: "Billy Tallent: The Rolling Stone Interview" by Jann S. Wenner (July 14, 1997)


RS: You and Joe are kind of famous for fighting, especially on the road. Hard Core Logo's even broken up a couple of times. Why do you think it is that you keep coming back?

BT: Where else would we go? I mean, Joe and I've known each other since we were thirteen. No one else knows me better. No one else would put up with either one of us and our shit.

RS: You think so?

BT: No, not really. We haven't split because the money's too good.


RS: When you and Joe were in a band called Peckerhead, way back when-

BT: Oh god...

RS: Oh yeah, we know about that. But did you ever think you'd get this far?

BT: I don't think we ever really thought about that. We were just having some fun. It was always there in the abstract kinda way, but nothing more than 'We're going to be famous when we grow up!' You know? Once we got a little older and we realized we could really make a living off of being in a band, I think it got a little more specific.

RS: You've been quoted before as saying you really wanted to be big in America, that that's where the money is. How did you know you finally made it there?

BT: I think I finally realized that Americans knew us when we sold out Madison Square Garden. I guess it was kind of a big deal for me. Joe, though, he was ok with just Canada, really. That was always enough for him. But, that's Joe. He doesn't really need much.

RS: Yeah, in an interview we did with Joe a couple years back, he said that you were all about supermodels and limousines and he was hookers and taxicabs. Do you think that's a good way to look at it?

BT: I guess, if it makes you feel better to put it in words like that. Joe grew up with a lot, so I think that kind of stuff's not really important to him. Or he's just a fucking weirdo. How the hell do I know?


When we got to the end of the interview, I asked him if he had actually answered any of my questions, and if he had, was there any truth at all in the answers. He just smiled at me, shrugged, and said, "What difference does it make? You needed something to print; you got it."

Billy: I thought you said there'd be a camera crew or something.

Joe: Yeah, it fell through.

Billy: Oh. What happened?

Joe: Mulligan couldn't come up with enough cash.

Billy: Huh. Sucks.

Joe: Yeah. Let's go. We were supposed to leave four fucking hours ago.

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